well I guess this is somewhat a journal now. whatever.


😥 again. again, I was fooled. thinking something was finally going right between us…and all so suddenly…

“You don’t know what’s going on, do you?”

“Um, no, I can’t even hear what you’re saying”

“EXACTLY” (Not wanting to tell me…possibly a sign? possibly me just getting worked up…yea, that’s it.)

*writes ‘Caitlyn!’ on a paper”

*is stabbed in the heart (metaphorically) by the meer mention of him loving liking someone else*

“You like her?”

“Not exactly. well, yea, that’s part of it.”


So, once again, I am thrown into despair. People tell me that since she’s such a flirt and do to her LAST never-ending-on-and-off relationship, they won’t last, and “just think how happy you’ll be when it ends!”

Here’s the deal:

I don’t care WHEN it ends. when it does i will not be happy. my heart will break. not for me, but for him.

Why am I so invisible? What is it that’s so different about us? What is it about her that’s just not me?

She’s a brunette, I’m a redhead?

She’s in orchestra, I’m in band?

She’s a cheerleader, I’m not flexible enough to be one?

…She’s your girlfriend…and I’m not…?

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lol whut

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I can never seem to find the right thing to say

Everytime I post, I end up deleting it because I think it winds up being too personal, too mean, too weird, wrong(incorrect, I mean)…
Then again, I’ve only made like 4 since I started blogging again… ._. Ah, well. I think i’ll make a post-heading page where I can sorta put together little post-starting doo-dads like mine (Miku and da hartz :3 ^^^^^^) if they want em. 🙂 watevs.


We’re having tacos for dinner tonight. \(^o^)/

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